Profile ErnErn Chen, Ngee Ann Poly, Early childhood education, (L)CaiXing Facebook 30 day letter challenge @ ThreeZero Nuffnang Twitter - Tagboard Archives November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 October 2011	Monday, May 31, 2010 If i still continuing eating like a cow (LIKE NOW) i will lay down in the middle of orchard road and die. Sunday, May 30, 2010 Omfg my Boyf is the sweetest thing in the entire world CONFIRM! LOL~ HAHHA just some words from you can make me squirm arnd like the happiest, fattest, most fortunate caterpillar on earth Love you so much Low Cai Xing! Saturday, May 29, 2010 Wish i could read minds. I'd decode evryone inside out and publish it on facebook ha ha he he Sometimes i wish *#$& #(# *$O#@ *$&9 #&e$ (## ($* &@^# ): Friday, May 28, 2010 Thursday, May 27, 2010 Hi, yes this is another long (not so emo post afterall) please skip if you dont want to read it...... Duh. Im sick of feeling sad and emo and hating to go home. Yes, i hate to go home, esp when im on my way home. GOT PROBLEM!?!?! But it scary that i feel no sense of remorse bout anything i've said before. I used to feel bad like hours after i blog it and i'll remove it and keep it for self-reading purposes but now im like Please read it mum. -__- HAIYA. I've planned; My life after getting my diploma. Not exactly a great plan but a plan nevertheless. And it consists of moving out after my job is somewhat stable. And yes which means not getting my degreee.... Which may sound dumb to people cause it's not as if i can't. But. Haiya. See contradict myself once more. Fuck la FUCK LAAAA ): Its super heart-aching. Esp on busrides home. And i just think bout the past. Then i tell myself, okay time to move on. So i think of my future, and its more emo-fying T_T What fuck? yar idk also. Ok. I think the long emo post is about to end....... Now. Sighmax. Someone sponsor me nao. ): Oh oh oh and i'm fucking grateful. For a few pple in my life. 1. Caixing OF COURSE my first source of comfort awh. (L) Second, my babies at school(inclding my naybor) Hehehee. Make me laugh like mad cow everywhere. even in the toilet cubicle LOLINSIDEJOKE. Third, Hafidz shireen teo tim bird and evryone in th group. madmadmadmad love :3 Fourth, my sisterlz. Fifth, my other unnamed friends. Sixth, people i used to be close to randomly asking me if im alrighttttt/how i am (: Gotta love you all man. Ok la my life rocks. HAHAHAHAHAH WHATTHEFUCK. LOLLLLL happy alr :3 HAHAHAH SIAO. Love isn't blind, it just only sees what matters. Wednesday, May 26, 2010 Babies (L) Weather is hell I still feel weird and uneasy I can't sleep. My nose is blocked anyway School tmrw, handing up my first assignment I know it'll all be over once i meet my Baby, hopefully soon ): I miss you Baby Tuesday, May 25, 2010 I have a thousand things to say to you but i'll never get the chance to. I don't want to risk another fight, quarrel or cold war. You never listen anyway. Even if i try communicating, during dinner, when we're all at the living room, every word that comes out of my mouth is wrong, rude, disobedient and everything negative in the world. Even if i try to seem enthusiastic about everything you're saying, it never ends out right. I've been trying ever since Secondary 2, ever since you sent me for counselling sessions thinking that i'm the most rebellious child in the world. I felt so hurt on the inside, you thought that there was something wrong with me. That was when i started to rebel. I gave up on myself. And you totally gave up on me. There was this one incident, I will remember for life. Remember when i was in Secondary 3, i was failing my Chinese like crazy, my grades were all below 30%, it was ridiculous. My teachers complained that my Chinese must improve or else i won't be able to make it, i might have to drop chinese altogether. I studied for the the following test, wanting to prove my worth. My friends helped. My sister helped. You saw nothing. The results were out for that test, i scored 72/100. I was jumping for joy, literally. First thing i did when i got home, rushed into your room, showed you the test paper. What did you do? You continued looking at the tv, and said 'So?'. I swear, my heart broke. I felt it ache like it never did before. I didnt know who to turn to. I called my form teacher. She consoled me, saying that parents have to be slowly won over. I tried my best to believe that, i couldn't. I cried myself to sleep that night. I will remember how it felt for as long as i live. I felt unwanted by you. Few weeks later, my form teacher called for a meet-the-parents session. You said you didn't want to see my teachers, you said, 'I'm not going. I dont want to embarrass myself.' What else could i do? I was unhappy. I wanted to make you unhappy. I stopped studying all over again. In the end, my Uncle went for the meet-the-parents session. My form teacher had good news that i was improving. Did it matter to you? No. My school work was able to sustain, well enough for me to get my O'level cert successfully, all through the motivation my friends gave me. Nothing you said was motivational. When i got my cert, all you said was 'You're so lucky, always can get moderate results without putting in effort. I wonder what you will get if you actually did put in effort.' You said the same thing for my PSLE. I dont think you realised, but it fucking hurt. Didnt put in effort? Even if i didnt do my best, i did put in effort. Even if it was last minute studying, at least i bothered. When i tried telling you that i did try, all you and your husband would do is snigger and say 'ok lor, if you think so'. Fuck you. When i eventually had to choose a poly course to get into, i wanted to do design. I wanted to do what i love. What did you say. 'cannot make money one.' You persuaded me to get into ECH. And so i did. I regret. When i got 2.9 for my first sem gpa, i was overjoyed. I expected so much worst. School work wasnt exactly easy afterall. All you said was 'har, not 3 ar?'. Year 1 sem 2, school work was getting so, so much more intense. I was barely home. I had projects, assignments to complete. I got 2.1. I didnt dare tell u. I even got my sister to hide it from you. When you finally asked one day. I said, 2.5. I couldnt say 2.1, i couldnt afford to lose the respect i've gained the past year. When i reached Year 2, a few months ago, it was a sudden influx of assignments and projects. It was too much to handle. I felt so stressed. You didnt know. You couldnt tell. When i'm home late, its always 'oh, went gallivanting aruond again ah'. You know nothing, Mum. Let's not talk about studies. Perhaps im just not the studying type. Lets move on to relationships, Boyfriends. You never disallowed me to have a boyfriend. It felt awesome that i could seek comfort in someone out of home. It was new to me, my boyfriend filled my life. Slowly i would bring them home. You saw them. You didnt care. Remember the time we couldnt even say a word to each other without shouting? We had to communicate through my boyfriend. How crazy is that? Perhaps all my relationships, to you, it was all puppy love and it was all a game. Until recently. I got together with Cai Xing. He came over once. You and your husband were over-reacting. So what if he's from ITE, so what if he doesn't look like your ideal son in law. You dont judge a book by its cover, Mum. Do you even know him? Did you even talk to him? No, mum, you didnt even see him. Your husband did. Yet you had so much to say. You said someone like him would not be able to provide for me in the future, you said so much. In other words, you felt he was not right. What do you know about him. Nothing. Then again, what do you know about me? Nothing. Recently, you've been harping on the issue of money. You have been saying non-stop since Year 2 started, i only talk to you when i need my allowance. You've been saying this every single time i step into your room. I don't even have to guts to ask you for money to buy my textbooks. I just can't. I can't take anymore of your sarcastic remarks, your self-proclaimed facts. I started working part time, on and off, since Sec 4. Did your other daughters work at all before they reached 21? No mum, they didnt. I did. What else do you want. I tried. I just can't work and study at the same time. Yes, you don't force me. But each time i go to you for money, it's like stabbing me in my face. Even my friends all know how hard it is for me to approach you. It's ridiculous. When you received a letter from HSA, saying that i was in possession of tobacco, you didnt say a word to me. I thought you would. I was so afraid. Then i realised, wait a minute, do you even care? True enough. You never brought it up. Good for me, good for you. You just dont notice anything positive in me, dont you. I honestly give up. I've tried making peace so much this year. You can say all the sarcastic remarks you want, all your nonchalant facts, all i do is nod my head and smile. You just carry on talking, as if im a wall with no feelings. You walk away with an end remark, often the one which hurts the most. Do you even know how i feel, do you even look at my expression before you leave? What else do you fucking want me to do? Dear Mum, im living fine without you in my life. I've been living fine alone for the past few years. Maybe you're right. Maybe all i need is your money to survive. Maybe its all my fault. It always is, isn't it? Monday, May 24, 2010 THURSDAY NO SCHOOL LOLZ MEANS IM ONLY GOING SCH ON TUES AND WED THIS WEEK LOLZ LIFEISAWESOME NAO LOLZ LOLZ LOLZ LOLZ LOLZ LOLZ LOLZ I think i've lost my fear of failing. someone plz remind me that if i dont do well, my gpa is possibly gonna drop to below 2.0 wtfz T_T Sunday, May 23, 2010 I'll fucking dread waking up tmrw i swear. ok fuck it im not going tmrw cuz my attachment mates arent going either!!! i'll go get my fucking braces fixed and beg for an mc HA FUCK THIS SHIT!!!!!!!! ok i can enjoy life for another day nao HA HA HA HA HA AWESUMZ \m/ Attachment + implementation and its gna be like this every week from now on. Fuck my life! Haiya positive note. Met bby tday! (: (: (: yayz hehe ok i smelly nao off to bathe and hopefully tmrw will be an awesome day sighz Saturday, May 22, 2010 HelloHello i met my b tday which makes me veli happy heehee Wento B's place in the aftrnoonz where i did my stupidfuckedup assignments and tt pig slept. -_- and he suddenly went 'B ahhhhhhh~' out of nowhere. LOL cuteshit :X Left his place arnd 4ish and wento see some tuaaa tiao gang thingy @ hougang! super scary but cool ah! Ttly nvr see before lolz liveinwell-moment Stand there and see for the longest time! But super excited the entire time hehe weird Supa crowded manz. Heng got B there. he was like my leaning tower awh hahahhahahaa then b left for his own tua and i went homez had dinnr and went out to print my assignments and 2 shops couldnt open my file but my com and b's com can! Wtfz nehmindz i shall go mummy's office and print tmrw yay okay bye continue assignmentz sigh sian. Friday, May 21, 2010 Thanks to assignments, turning on my laptop is depressing. So is being at home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ): ): ): I needa be out of home to study. Lessens the sian-ess Zzz. Anywayz. Had korean food w family tday @ chinatown. Korean food is.. Spicy. but shiok. SHIOK. then had some shaved ice idk what mountain thing. Which was awesome. then jie drove home cause parents were drunk from soju and were super irritate and it felt like a fucking long ride no idea why. Haiya. Just feel sian x100000 And no, my menses not coming yet. So idk why. Lolz I miss my baby! Must hug him tight tight the next time i meet him O.O pass my stress to him Teehee :X ok lame. I feel like i've been doing alot of work but when i stop and think, its like i never even completed anything at all OK LA BACK TO EC ASSIGNMENT LA HAIYA BYE Thursday, May 20, 2010 Sigh Sigh Assignments x10,000 all due in June. Theres even one due on the 1st. Fuck my life hardhard Poor fellow ECH people all drowning in assignments too And its not even mid-sem yet WHOEVER SAID POLY IS SLACK. I'LL FUCKING DIG YOUR EYEBALLS OUT WITH A SPOON whoever said ECH is the most slack course ever, your mom is a fucking donkey. Which makes you an Ass. Ok back to assignments I need CaiXing-time! Lolz Wednesday, May 19, 2010 Love u bby although ur face always very cock LOL Tuesday, May 18, 2010 Watched the last song for the second time :3 Hehehehehhehehehehehheheheheheh i like DLE lecture, MAYC lecture, KFC lunch, ITBD lecture, the cathay! Yay ok happy kid tmrw can see baby :D HAHHA ok happy nao. GOODDAY! Happy 1st month Baby I LOVE YOU! (: although u just called me china woman i still lovee you to bits hehe LOL stop bullying me k boss, or else i tell MOM then u die not only NEA and HSA, MOM also come after you alr hehe haha hoho wo ai ni baby hugs i wna hug u to sleep but cannot awh ): ok nehmindz next time with jingxuan we got all the time in the world hor hor hor HOR! HAHA love you baby Xoxo Monday, May 17, 2010 Attachment veli tiredz talking to B nao hehehehehe hahahah hohoho k i go bathe nao zai jian ming tian jian! babies at attachment hen ke ai. sch at 9 tmrw so naise. -__________- bai Kids @ attachment say i wear specs not pretty nvr wear specs pretty HAHAHEHEHOHO. dowan wear specs alr T_T Sunday, May 16, 2010 My greatest wish as of now: To be able to hug u to sleep evry night, to wake up and see your lj face bside me ): LOL Srsly? Yes srsly. Sianzzzz Just came home from meeting B i mizz him alrz ): Fuck attachment 9 - 7 tmrw I dont feel excited at all. I thought i would be ): ): ): HAIYA SIAN LA Saturday, May 15, 2010 Cannot. Cannot. Cannot. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. To. To. To. To. To. To. Meet. Meet. Meet. Meet. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. B. Tmrw. Tmrw. Tmrw. ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): ): slurpz i feel drained although i slept for 12hours Whaaat iz thiz nonsenze Zzz Finally completed lesson plan and sent it to my mentor. Elearning work all done too. Im left with FP book with 10,000 questions to be done by monday. Sighsighsighsigh Off to NTUC and i'll be back for baking session (: Yayz then hopefully find the motivation to start on my FP book Zz. Can't wait to see my B tmrwz :3 Cravings for KFC. Fml Friday, May 14, 2010 Helloz tday is self proclaimed elearning day WOOHOOO! Wento B's hse attttt arnd 12 and nuaaaa ed while the idiot played cs and pangsehed me :X LOL! then went out dinnrrrrr & slack at park and B started dreaming bout cars HAHHAHA smlj! Subaru wrx sti in black, high backwing with sexy front hood, 18inch gold rims for ze wheels, 4 exhaust pipes with holes for more vroomz, tinted windows and blue lights on th bottom -_- Dreaming anot?! LOL anywayz ming tian zao shang dental appt! (: like fucking finally my braces eating into my gums!!! then going NYP meet reenz and movie aft tt! meeting fidz&co for dinnr! Haiya Haiya Haiya i think of crazy June with assignments and all that sai i can cry ah. T____________T Wednesday, May 12, 2010 One of the thousand assignments : BLOG CREATION – Elearning (5%) •Create an individual blog(external), specify your profile: name and class and photo of you. •Design (e.g appropriate font size) and layout of the blog must be neat, unique and appropriate. •The blog is part of your Proj 1 assessment •First Entry for your blog: •Write about VAK (Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetics) learning style model. • What is it? •List 5 examples of how you can assess each learning style (e.g listen to teacher attentively – auditory ) ANSWER: GO GOOGLE IT YOURSELF LA My face has been liddis since 1 -_____- Stone siaaaaaa wlaoz idk how to do the assignmentz Okayz meeting Bby whle day tmrw (HAHAHAHHA YAY) so i MUST finish evrything TODAY ITS NOW OR NEVER K CHIONG. O_O Sitting at the patio in the quite-awesome weather I have about a thousand assignments due friday that are still undone but i'm just stoning here o_o Haiya Tuesday, May 11, 2010 Created a blog for some school assignment shit. BFS. School still sucks. i miss cx ): i dont understand my mummy. 'eh nobody homeeeee ah whos home today!' 'Hi mummy' 'Are u having dinner at home?' 'Yup.' 'Yar you should. Have most of ur dinners at home la! at home food so nice. you always eat outside the nonsense! You are what you eat!' '*Nods head + Smile*' 'Dont take my words as er bian feng hor please la this is for your own good 10 years down the road you dont come find me say your stomach got problem or what *guailanbin* *shakes head walks off*' -_______- Idk whats wrong but it just feels wrong somehow. Ok nvm just felt like i had to tell someone School sucks the end. Amk hub w sibby aftr 1st lecture. couldnt even stay long enough for 2nd lecture wtf -_- buay tahan bought smth tt took 10yrs to decide upon but itz ok super worth it teehee :3 then shopped & walked arnd. watched the bounty hunter. (jennifer aniston veli hotz) and yay im home hello. elearning for the rest of the week (cept for thurs self-proclaimed elearning day tq) shiok. ^_^ Monday, May 10, 2010 I love you Low Cai Xing LIKE ACT ONLYYYY HAHAHAHHAA Saturday, May 8, 2010 halfway through a book and its going crazy with relationships and romance made me miss my boyfriend so muchhhh ): Gna hug him so tight th next time i see him AHHHH!!!!! I miss you B! ): You, are, the only exception And I'm on my way to believing Oh, And I'm on my way to believing Mummy's day lunch with Popo tday! (: Mummy looks so cute here hehee Senior citizen alr Lolz K off to dl ppts and write notes T__T I think old people are so cute Esp happy old people ^^ Friday, May 7, 2010 THE WEATHER. IS SO FUCKING HORRIBLE. HOT AHHH WTF! Sitting in a cold classroom but still feeling heat on my back. and my entire body actually. I think my body is malfunctioning. It is. Confirm -_- My poor baby working under the sun, Wish i could hold a brolly over his head! Ok maybe not. -.- but u get my point. Ok i shall stop complaining cuz b is going through a worst situation. K. pooor baby ))): Back to lesson. -_- Random photos in no order from past few days @ school! Met bby ystday aftr school! i was early so i wento the library and borrowed a book! (yes la stop gasping i know sounds v impossible right) I DO READ OKAY. just not often. But i do get random craves for a good book evry now and then! They rarely last longer than a few days though -__- LOL Anywayz, yep. found a nice family/love-related super heartwrenching book Awh alr halfway through! can cry one sia T_T lolol Off to prep for 2 - 4 lesson, then meeting reen @ dhoby for minishopping trip! meeting fidz & co (FINALLY AFTER SOO LONG OMGOSH!!!!) for ironman2! (:
Everybody's changing and I don't feel the same